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The Eternal Beer

Quotes to Ponder whilst you Wonder

"He was a wise man who invented beer."

"[I recommend]… bread, meat, vegetables and beer."
-Sophocles' philosophy of a moderate diet

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

-Benjamin Franklin

"They who drink beer will think beer."
-Washington Irving
"An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer."

"I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer."
-Abraham Lincoln

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
-Frank Zappa

"Work is the curse of the drinking class."

-Oscar Wilde

"We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old."

-Martin Luther

"Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into."

-Don Marquis

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-Humphrey Bogart

"Well I woke up this morinin' and I got myself a beer. "

-James Douglas Morrison

"Alright brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with beer."

 -Homer Simpson

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"
-Stephen Wright

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true
than be selfish and worry about my liver."

-Jack Handy

"Whoever serves beer or wine watered down, he himself deserves in them to drown."
-Midieval plea for pure libations
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

-Frank Sinatra

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."

-Dean Martin

"People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot."
-Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."

-Ernest Hemingway

"The roots and herbes beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengtheneth and quickeneth the sight of the eyes."

-Nicholas Culpeper

"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."

-David Daye

"I always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
-Winston Churchill
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

-Henny Youngman

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
W.C. Fields

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

- Cliff Clavin, of Cheers

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! "
Brian O'Rourke 

"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!"

-Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck

"Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire."

-David Rains Wallace

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world."

-Kaiser Welhelm

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."

-Jack Handy

"Always do sober what you said you'd do when Drunk. Tha will terach yo to keep your mouth shut."

-Ernest Hemingway

"There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking"
-Benjamin Franklin
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools"
-Ernest Hemmingway

"My advice to you... is to start drinking heavily."

-John Belushi

"Everybody has to believe in something.....I believe I'll have another drink."
-W.C. Fields

"I sat down to my supper, twas a bottle of red whiskey."

-Jerry Garcia

"May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends gathered below never fall out."

-Old Irish Blessing

"May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead."

-Old Irish Toast

"To some its a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. "